Sunday, July 1, 2007

Power Rankings

From The Devil's Dictionary (by Ambrose Bierce):

Rumor: n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.

Here at the Rumor Mill we believe in equality for all unless you're a dangerous minority trying to cross our border or a homo lusting after a marriage license. Thus we encourage reader participation with respect to all events, persons, elections, and posts.

crncrumormill@gmail.com will get the job done and send some more gossip to the grindstone.

You missed them, didn't you? Now pucker up and say hello to an all-new and fully up-to-date:

CRNC Power Rankings
  1. Truth Caucus : We all read it - Paul even learned how to read just so Hydro didn't have to keep reading it to him.
  2. Charlie Smith : Wishes a sport coat and jeans were in style; but until someone else runs, he can wear what he pleases.
  3. Brent Ludeman: Will Reformers hail another savior come from the West?
  4. Blake Harris: What has red hair, a Blackberry, and a third hand to stroke his own ego?
  5. Brian Siler: Will he make the sac fly to bring Ludeman into home?
  6. Jess Beeson: "They tried to make me go to rehab. I say no, no, no."
  7. Nick Miccarelli: "They tried to make me go to rehab and I won't go, go, go."
  8. Ethan Eilon: If being a prick makes trains run on time, plan on being five minutes early.
  9. Dan Carlson: A ticket spot and the most delegates at convention make Danny a happy boy.
  10. Michael Davidson: Doesn't have a horse in this race...yet.
  11. National Officers: Forming up a new band. Word is it'll be a cross between Destiny's Child and the Village People.
  12. Esther Clark: The hottest state chair since, well, ever. Oh and did I mention she's got brains, too?
  13. Paul Gourley: Paul is hoping 13 is his lucky number and next Friday's agenda doesn't mention impeachment.
  14. Ryan Clumpner: California lacks the delegate power it once had, but can anyone say: king maker.
  15. John Burris: Gives Real Reform a Southern twang.
  16. Keith Gates: Old enough to be my father - oh wait, he is.
  17. Justin Smith: Silent but deadly.
  18. Nate Walton: Hasn't told any Southerners to go f*** themselves in over a year - another month and he gets a peach cobbler.
  19. Erin McTiernan: Who's a NY blond, has an ambitious husband, and will stop at nothing for national recognition? Hint: not Hillary.
  20. Ryan Bilodeau: It's a good thing Romney has money, because somebody's gotta pay for the hair gel.
  21. John T. Plecnik: May I esquire as to why he's still involved?
  22. Michael Miltenberger: For once, Miltenberger didn't like getting screwed while at Harvard.
  23. Zach Howell: Not worried about winning because he can also go back to selling Bibles.
  24. Jessica Westbrook: Best QB out of Mississippi since Bret Favre.
  25. Brian Gwozdz: Saying his last name is half the battle; piss him off and you won't be a delegate, either.
  26. Bobby Kaufmann: Midwest race has been pretty quiet, even for Iowa.
  27. Mike Keough: How the hell is he running?
  28. Craig McCoy: Will he give the Wild West a new meaning and throw down with Charlie?
  29. Eric Amidon: Wears the pants in the relationship...whenever Erin lets him.
  30. Grant Hewitt: Little known but with a long reach.
  31. George Gunning: I wouldn't piss on him if he were on fire.
  32. Derek Hall: Anyone ready for a Kentucky Derby style election?
  33. Frank Luna: No one's seen him since the final episode of the Sopranos.
  34. Taylor Burks: Impeached (?) and still causing waves...Nixon would be proud.
  35. Beth Dorobiala: Hoplin, Grassel, MacGregor...Dorobiala?
  36. Kristy Cottrell: That dog just don't hunt.
  37. Soren Dayton: Living proof you don't need hair to go swimming in the kiddie pool.
  38. Dan Centinello: Not the first CR to get f***ed by Eric Amidon and certainly not the last.
  39. David Stevens: He's no Wacholtz and certainly no Jardon, so who knows, maybe FL stands a chance this time.
  40. Lindsay Moffett: Oh, yeah, she was pretty hot, too.
  41. Samantha Hill: Learned politics from running for Class President...of her homeschool.
  42. Jonathan Bryant: Awfully quiet since squeaking by at convention.
  43. Mary Ellen Burke: Interning at LI - did she get lost or something?
  44. Justin Jordan: Will he be thrown from the bull or learn to ride?
  45. Dave Copley: The only thing keeping Miccarelli and Gunning out of prison.
  46. Will Selph: Long time Ludeman ally saddles up.
  47. Tommy Jardon: Courting Log Cabin Republicans the only way he knows how.
  48. Seth Wimer: High School called, they want you back.
  49. Patrick Binning: Planning on spoiling Obama's chances - could he play spoiler somewhere else?
  50. Amanda Hydro: The only power she needs to worry about is the power to subpoena.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Eric Amidon has definitely fucked over enough people and basically runs New York, for what little leadership it actually has.

Anonymous said...

Grant Hewitt - who the hell is that. Is this our version of the man behind the mask....