R.I.P. Will Selph

C'est vrai. It's true.

Will Selph, the esteemed late author of the Rumor Mill has resigned his commission and been replaced.

The Rumor Mill is also happy to welcome a new kid onto the block. CRNC Salad Toss or whatever the name of it is, has deemed it necessary to publish their own Power Rankings.

I would suggest two things:

1) A command of the English language you immigrant, bean-picking, taco-folding, fence-jumping...

...Ahem.

and 2) A sense of art.

The Rumor Mill welcomes a little competition from pretenders (not the band) but likes rumor and comment even more. As always, send your beef to crncrumormill@gmail.com

Is That a Caucus in Your Pants or...?

Midwestern Caucus Elections

Who said the only fun thing to do in the Midwest was watch the corn grow?

Samantha Hill of Missouri won a hard fought victory today over Ben Johnson of Iowa for the open Midwestern seat on the credentials committee. The 6-5 vote breakdown:

Samantha Hill (MO)
Kansas
Illinois
Michigan
Minnesota
Missouri
Nebraska

Ben Johnson (IA)
Iowa
Ohio
North Dakota
West Virginia
Wisconsin

Here at the Rumor Mill we give the facts if and only when we think user comments would be far more interesting, so go ahead - leave comments (see below).

Rumor has it that this race only foreshadows the upcoming bout between Justin Smith of MO and Bobby Kaufmann of IA; the candidates today only serving as proxies. And since here at the Rumor Mill we count hot rumors as cold facts, here's the corresponding vote breakdown by delegates at convention:

Justin Smith: 30*
Bobby Kaufmann: 21

*IN delegates are added to today's states voting for the MO candidate since they have officially endorsed Justin Smith.

A similar Western Caucus election for an open credentials seat is scheduled shortly. More on that to come.

Got a rumor? Send it to crncrumormill@gmail.com

Power Rankings

From The Devil's Dictionary (by Ambrose Bierce):

Rumor: n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.

Here at the Rumor Mill we believe in equality for all unless you're a dangerous minority trying to cross our border or a homo lusting after a marriage license. Thus we encourage reader participation with respect to all events, persons, elections, and posts.

crncrumormill@gmail.com will get the job done and send some more gossip to the grindstone.

You missed them, didn't you? Now pucker up and say hello to an all-new and fully up-to-date:

CRNC Power Rankings

1. Truth Caucus : We all read it - Paul even learned how to read just so Hydro didn't have to keep reading it to him.
2. Charlie Smith : Wishes a sport coat and jeans were in style; but until someone else runs, he can wear what he pleases.
3. Brent Ludeman: Will Reformers hail another savior come from the West?
   
4. Blake Harris: What has red hair, a Blackberry, and a third hand to stroke his own ego?
5. Brian Siler: Will he make the sac fly to bring Ludeman into home?
   
6. Jess Beeson: "They tried to make me go to rehab. I say no, no, no."
   
7. Nick Miccarelli: "They tried to make me go to rehab and I won't go, go, go."
   
8. Ethan Eilon: If being a prick makes trains run on time, plan on being five minutes early.
   
9. Dan Carlson: A ticket spot and the most delegates at convention make Danny a happy boy.
   
10. Michael Davidson: Doesn't have a horse in this race...yet.
    
11. National Officers: Forming up a new band. Word is it'll be a cross between Destiny's Child and the Village People.
    
12. Esther Clark: The hottest state chair since, well, ever. Oh and did I mention she's got brains, too?
    
13. Paul Gourley: Paul is hoping 13 is his lucky number and next Friday's agenda doesn't mention impeachment.
    
14. Ryan Clumpner: California lacks the delegate power it once had, but can anyone say: king maker.
    
15. John Burris: Gives Real Reform a Southern twang.
    
16. Keith Gates: Old enough to be my father - oh wait, he is.
    
17. Justin Smith: Silent but deadly.
    
18. Nate Walton: Hasn't told any Southerners to go f*** themselves in over a year - another month and he gets a peach cobbler.
    
19. Erin McTiernan: Who's a NY blond, has an ambitious husband, and will stop at nothing for national recognition? Hint: not Hillary.
    
20. Ryan Bilodeau: It's a good thing Romney has money, because somebody's gotta pay for the hair gel.
    
21. John T. Plecnik: May I esquire as to why he's still involved?
    
22. Michael Miltenberger: For once, Miltenberger didn't like getting screwed while at Harvard.
    
23. Zach Howell: Not worried about winning because he can also go back to selling Bibles.
    
24. Jessica Westbrook: Best QB out of Mississippi since Bret Favre.
    
25. Brian Gwozdz: Saying his last name is half the battle; piss him off and you won't be a delegate, either.
    
26. Bobby Kaufmann: Midwest race has been pretty quiet, even for Iowa.
    
27. Mike Keough: How the hell is he running?
    
28. Craig McCoy: Will he give the Wild West a new meaning and throw down with Charlie?
    
29. Eric Amidon: Wears the pants in the relationship...whenever Erin lets him.
    
30. Grant Hewitt: Little known but with a long reach.
    
31. George Gunning: I wouldn't piss on him if he were on fire.
    
32. Derek Hall: Anyone ready for a Kentucky Derby style election?
    
33. Frank Luna: No one's seen him since the final episode of the Sopranos.
    
34. Taylor Burks: Impeached (?) and still causing waves...Nixon would be proud.
    
35. Beth Dorobiala: Hoplin, Grassel, MacGregor...Dorobiala?
    
36. Kristy Cottrell: That dog just don't hunt.
    
37. Soren Dayton: Living proof you don't need hair to go swimming in the kiddie pool.
    
38. Dan Centinello: Not the first CR to get f***ed by Eric Amidon and certainly not the last.
    
39. David Stevens: He's no Wacholtz and certainly no Jardon, so who knows, maybe FL stands a chance this time.
    
40. Lindsay Moffett: Oh, yeah, she was pretty hot, too.
    
41. Samantha Hill: Learned politics from running for Class President...of her homeschool.
    
42. Jonathan Bryant: Awfully quiet since squeaking by at convention.
    
43. Mary Ellen Burke: Interning at LI - did she get lost or something?
    
44. Justin Jordan: Will he be thrown from the bull or learn to ride?
    
45. Dave Copley: The only thing keeping Miccarelli and Gunning out of prison.
    
46. Will Selph: Long time Ludeman ally saddles up.
    
47. Tommy Jardon: Courting Log Cabin Republicans the only way he knows how.
    
48. Seth Wimer: High School called, they want you back.
    
49. Patrick Binning: Planning on spoiling Obama's chances - could he play spoiler somewhere else?
    
50. Amanda Hydro: The only power she needs to worry about is the power to subpoena.
    
    

Amanda Hydro...

...Eats babies! Caught on 19th Century Spanish Canvas (by Francisco Goya)